4th post tonight. Wow. I promised myself though, that this is like a journal. A way to store my thoughts, because my mind fails me and I often forget what I was thinkin' or doin' 5 minutes ago.

I was just thinkin' though... Why excatly am I alive?

I'm not sucidial, I know that. I'm a simple person, both in mind, spirit and body. So, when I thinking, I think a lot. And I was thinkin' about my life. I'm not a loud person, I'm not all THAT social. I don't have any particular skills, I like to listen to music, play games and read. So long as I have those three things in my life... I'll be happy. I don't need love (although I can get easily attached to people). I'm not that fit, I don't go out drinking, I don't go fuck someone just for the hell of it and I don't smoke. I'm just not like that. I'm a quiet person who likes to toddle along. I have a few health  issues, but nothin' I can't fix.

I've went off-topic though. I'm not why i'm alive. Am I just... there? Someone to exist in the big, bad world? Just another person to eat, sleep, work, drink then die in a little house in the country? (I'll never be able to live in the city, it's too damn LOUD.) I'm no superhero, no saviour. My mother yells at me to get off my arse. (I'd need somethin' to get up for.) I haven't found my reason for livin' yet, nor what I want to do in life. I don't strive to be popular, I don't crave the spotlight. I'm like... one of those people who prefers to stand in the shadows watching from afar. I'm almost 20, I should of by now, but I haven't. It just makes me wonder, I guess.

So I come back to one simple, yet probably one of the most complicated to any of mankind:

Why?